casacaudill

new windows

As I posted Saturday, we had new windows put in.  We've lived with them for nearly a week now and while they're obviously not the real wood gorgeous authentic craftsman style windows (also known as "we'll never go on vacation again if we get these windows" windows), they are a vast improvement over the aluminum windows that were installed sometime in the 1980s, and installed incorrectly at that.  When we're using the washing machine, the windows no longer rattle.  When BART starts at 4:58 a.m., I no longer hear it.  When it's windy, our curtains no longer blow in the wind (and yes, that's with the former windows closed). 

And yes, we went with vinyl.  I know that's a major sin among the more hardcore of the craftsman enthusiasts, but we were well beyond the point where we could refurbish the original windows as by the time we moved in they had become landfill somewhere and it just wasn't realistically in our budget to buy the "good" real wood windows.  So we went with what worked for our budget and what would make our house a more energy efficient place to live and this time around that meant the evil vinyl. 

And you know what?  I'm okay with this.  Sure it would be nice to have been able to afford $30k on new windows, but we can't.  We can afford what we can afford and however you slice it, it was an improvement over what was here when we moved in.  So I'm happy.  I'm warm.  And I'm feeling good about how they came out and what we paid for them.

sitting in our basement the day they were installed (on another note, I can't wait until we get a rug shampooer so that I can bring this gorgeous rug back into the living room)

the living room windows - we went with prairie style grills on the front of the house, but nowhere else

the living room again

I thought I had taken a picture of the windows from outside, but there wasn't anything on my camera so clearly I'm mistaken.  I'll have to do that this weekend.

miles video

Have you ever stumbled across a gem of a picture on your camera card that you forgot you had taken and you're excited beyond measure?  That's me right now.  I got home from work and decided to distract myself by downloading pictures of our new windows.  I plugged in my camera and saw it immediately - a video of Miles taken this past Sunday when he still looked/behaved healthy; before we knew his chest was filling with fluids and he was in heart failure.  When he was still our buddy boy and we thought he was well on the road to recovery.  The very image I needed to see to erase my last memory of him.

On Sunday night Dakota was being awful so we gave her a boat load of catnip.  When she was done with the scratching toy, Miles went over and loaded up on it, ever the addict.  That cat LOVED catnip.  From there, he walked into the foyer and proceeded to roll around on the floor, rubbing up against his favorite toy ever, acting the fool.  I was sitting on the couch with the camera next to me so I grabbed it and started recording him.  It was the first time I'd ever thought to record him. And it was the last opportunity I'd ever get.

Indulge me for a minute (and a half) while I share with you my buddy dude.

happy halloween

Clearly we're not up to celebrating Halloween here at casacaudill, but that doesn't preclude us from enjoying the festivities at work. 

Every year my company has a pumpkin carving contest.  This year the Account Managers and Senior Account Executives were paired up as a team and we had an AMAZING idea that was executed on even better than we had initially planned.

Introducing, Mummy Pumpkin.

Unfortunately, due to some judging errors, we did not win any of the available categories.  We're currently investigating contest rigging and have demanded a recount.  :-)

rough

I'm having a really rough time dealing with the loss of Miles.

I'm moody, irritable, angry, bitter, resentful ... and most of all, sad and unhappy.

I'm in a really dark place right now, even though I keep trying to put on a smiley, happy face.  And if I've got a really good distraction, most of the time I'm okay.  But when I let myself relax or I have some downtime ... well, that's when things are hardest.  And it's hard, so very hard.  I'm not doing so well.

Like right now.  I just don't care about anything and I really don't care to.  Because the little creature who gave me unconditional love - who would run up to me even when I was a surly beast and give me snuggles - is gone.  And there's nothing I can do to change it.  There was never anything I could have done to change it.  We bought ourselves - literally - an extra month with him.  But it wasn't enough.  It's never enough.  I'm just so fracking sad and angry.  And empty. 

a fitting tribute

We buried Miles in the backyard yesterday; the mound of earth clearly showing where my buddy dude rests.  It seems so barren.  So ... not fitting.  We've talked about planting a lemon tree in the backyard for two years now but have never gotten around to it.  And then Alan said something today that really seemed right to me - we should plant an ORANGE tree in honor of our little orange buddy dude.  So that's what we'll be doing this weekend - planting an orange tree next to the place where our little nuckerfuts is resting peacefully.

goodbye, my old friend

We said goodbye to Miles this morning around 9:20 a.m. 

After yesterday's Lasix injection and two administrations of additional medication last night and then again at 2am, he hadn't improved.  He wasn't suffering, but he was very uncomfortable and clearly unhappy with the way things had gone.

Around 10pm, I layed down beside him in the closet where we snuggled for several minutes.  He was having difficult breathing, but he was calm and seemed more interested in setting my mind at ease than easing himself.  After several minutes purring, he looked straight at me for a long while, gave me one final purr, and then turned away from me.  I think that was his way of telling me goodbye.  I climbed into bed at around midnight, to be joined by Miles just a couple of minutes later.  I felt asleep petting him and woke up this morning to find him sleeping at my feet.  He had clearly moved during the night, but he hadn't left my side.

This morning we went back and forth about what to do.  He's purring, so he must feel okay!  His breathing looks better, right?  Look, he's snuggling, so he's going to be okay.  But then when we looked closer we realized that he hadn't moved from my feet and that he really wasn't interested or respondent to anything.  Alan opened his treat jar and while normally this would have him right there begging for one, he only perked his head up and looked in the direction of the treats.  He was too tired to move to get them.  At this point, I put my own selfish feelings aside and looked at him - really looked at him.  You could see he wasn't happy.  You could see that breathing was a struggle.  You could see that he'd made his peace.

So I called the vet's office our regular vet recommended last night, and made an appointment.  I don't know how I was able to speak, but I managed somehow.  I felt so sorry for the girl who answered the phone.  She asked me if we were coming in for a re-check; I had to tell her we were coming in to say goodbye.  She gave us a 9am appointment.

We met with Dr. R who was very calm and kind and understood our predicament.  I walked her through what had been happening with Miles and she confirmed that given the large dose of Lasix he had been given the evening before and the follow up medications that we had administered, he should have been breathing normal.  She told us what the procedure would entail, and she gave us time with Miles.  He seemed ready, not fighting like he normally does at the vet.  He kept looking at us with his big eye and his Horner's eye and we just told him how much we love him and how he was the best buddy dude we ever knew.  And then Dr. R started the procedure.  It was quick and yes, painless.  And above all, very humane and the end to a full month of ups and downs. 

It was one month ago today that we first took Miles to the vet when we noticed his weight loss.  It was One month minus one day that we first found out about his heart disease and his enlarged heart.  And it was 6 years, 3 months that he spent using that big heart of his to give us love and affection. 

We brought him home and buried him where he's sure to get lots of morning sunbeams, one of his favorite things ever.  We did right by him and we did all that we could, but it doesn't dampen the fact that no matter what we did my buddy dude is gone and I'll never get to rub his belly or tell him to stop howling ever again ... and there's a giant hole in my heart where he used to be.

Goodbye, Buddy Dude.  You were loved ... so, so much.

miles is in heart failure

We noticed last night that Miles was having labored breathing.  He seemed about the same this morning, and when Alan came home from work early to feed him, he hadn't improved.

After corresponding all day with the vet specialist who did his surgery, we took him to the vet where they did xrays to rule out other issues and diagnosed him - as predicted - as being in heart failure.  He has an even larger heart than before and there is evidence of liquid in his lung area. The vet gave him a shot to help him breath and to stabilize him.  If it works, we'll be giving him additional medicine to keep him stable and reduce his heart/breathing issues. 

But ... we don't have high hopes. This may be our last night with our buddy dude.

it's finally happening!

Window guys just arrived to start installing our new windows.  Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The extra exclamation points included in case my words couldn't convey how terribly excited by this I am.)

where i get political

Seems Sarah Palin is a bit confused about what makes and domestic terrorist and what doesn't.  A man who is now a professor of a well-respected University?  Terrorist.  Right wing nut jubs who kill doctors and bomb abortion clinics?  Not terrorists.  Riiiight.  I still don't understand how anyone in this country can look at her and be inspired.  Hell, I don't understand how anyone can look at her and not see a buffoon dressed up in purty clothes from Neimans.  Give me latte lovin, arugula eating liberal elitists anyday.  At least they display a modicum of intelligence. And don't even get me started on the McCain volunteer hoax. The right-wingers are a ridiculous, desperate, horrific bunch.

And is it just me, or does John McCain look like he's completely given up and he can't believe his legacy is going to be based on this?

pizza delivery in oakland

We've had pretty poor luck with pizza delivery in Oakland.  We've gotten pizza that ranged from okay to really bad and I'm just not all that willing to give it another shot.  Which kind of sucks because when you're sick and hungry and your house is empty, pizza delivery is about the best option out there.  So, I'm making a compromise.  I've ordered Zachary's and will pick it up at the same time I pick up more medicine.  How genius!  But here's the best thing about all of this ... they picked up the phone on the second ring and our pizza will be ready in 35 minutes.  Now, for those of you not familiar with Zachary's you're probably thinking, "yup, that sounds about right ..." but those of us from around Oakland know that getting your hands on some Zachary's can be a long and laborious process.  I once called them for over an hour and all I got was a busy signal. I gave up, forlorn and beat down.  But not today!  Maybe because I'm already forlorn and beat down the karma gods decided to be nice to me.

Flickr photo by y_roc30